I have to admit, I was very naive. (Probably I still am.)
I thought I was a super woman and nothing could challenge me. I thought I would do totally fine with graduation, wedding, and moving all happen in three months. I thought I would be OK with no friends and families near by in Michigan. “Many people did that too, so we should be OK if that’s God’s plan!” I thought. I forgot that God might have put challenges and obstacles in his plan, too.
After three months, things (my emotional health and lifestyle) are finally getting better. Of course there’s still challenges, but I have started being able to view them more positively. I realized that I have grown a lot in the past three months. I am becoming more like an adult! Here are the three major things I learned from my struggles:
- Things are not going to be how you want them to be.
I always imagined having a good job right after college. Graduates from my major are doing great things all over the world – and I should be able to do that too. I also imagined myself being a perfect housewife while Felix is busying with Med school. I should be able to clean the house everyday, do laundry regularly, go grocery shopping, cook amazing food, pay bills on time, send and pick Felix up from school… So I thought I should be a perfect house wife and got a perfect dream job.None of those happened. I didn’t get the perfect job. I didn’t have a job for almost two months. (four months if you count the time before we moved) I am not the perfect wife – I hate going grocery shopping by myself, I don’t clean the house as often as I should, and sometimes I just don’t feel like cooking!!!! I was so frustrated. I was so disappointed on myself. I was stressed out. I cried and cried. I thought I was useless, I was a failure.But it’s all about how you see things. I was the one who put a lot of stress on myself. What does it mean to be a good job? And no one required me to be a perfect housewife. I finally realized that I won’t be able to do what I want to do immediately. It takes time to make progresses and improve. As Felix said, we will be here for at least four years. I still have time to try and try and try.
- People love to help. And try your best to help if you can.
We have met A LOT of amazing people here, especially our ward members. They had been offering us help since Day 1 we moved into the ward. Some simple greetings and an invite to walk have already made our day. One of my ward members had connected me to a wonderful lady who offered extensive help on my job search and preparation for an interview. The interview probably didn’t go well, but her sincere help touched my heart. She was so willing to help me. I was no one to her – but she was still willing to spend her time and money on me! I am so grateful for that.Some ward members also showed Christ’s love in them – they are not wealthy (father is a student and stay-home-mom with two kids) – but they are willing to do all they can to help with people in need. They fed us good food, invited us to dinners because he knew we were poor med student family. They didn’t have a lot but they were giving a lot. I was really touched. I want to become someone like them.
- Rely on God and talk to someone about your struggles.
It is always easier said than done. I knew I had to rely on God – but it’s so hard when the future seemed so uncertain and so dark. But really, all you can do is to trust to God. I had done my best, why didn’t God make that happen?Now I looked back, it might be for my own good. I had to learn to be humble and listen to my heart: What do I really want? What does God want me to do? Is this something I really want to do? And now I really understand that we have to go through sorrow and sadness so that we can experience happiness.
It’s also very, VERY IMPORTANT to talk to someone about your struggles. (Preferably someone you trust.) (I also didn’t want to make my parents/ sisters worry… Asian problem.) I am so grateful for Felix: he is my psychiatrist. I told him all my struggles, cried and cried in front of him… He was way more calm than I was. He listened to me, comforted me, analyzed things for me, and he made me view things from a different angle.
Now I remember what he said to me the first time he found out I was way younger than him… He said something like, “I am five years older than you, so I would have gone through all the struggles you might have in your future and I could relate to you.”
How true is that! I never took that seriously as it was before we even started dating. But hey, look who I am talking and venting to every night now? Don’t keep your worries and struggles to yourself – they could kill you. I am still learning to be more open with my feelings. I found that really helped.
Hope you guys are doing well. I miss you my friends.